Grace for the Grown-Ups: A back-to-school love letter to families

Dear families,

As another school year begins, we want to remind you of something that may get lost somewhere between the school supply lists, new schedules, new teachers, new apps, new passwords, new practices, new pickup procedures, and the 47 emails you swear you’re going to read later: you’re doing just fine. Really. The beginning of a school year asks a lot of children, but sometimes we forget how much it asks of the adults who love them. You’re adjusting, too.

You’re learning new names and new systems, figuring out which app does what, rearranging work schedules, buying supplies, coordinating practices, completing forms, getting everybody out of summer mode and somehow out of the house on time. And underneath all of those logistics is something much bigger: you want your child to be okay. You want them to feel safe, to have friends, to be challenged, to be seen, to find a teacher who gets them, to learn something, and to become a little more of who they are supposed to become. That is family engagement, too.

Across the country, schools, districts, and states are thinking deeply about “family engagement.” There are frameworks, programs, events, strategies, and initiatives, and those things can matter. But families shouldn’t need a degree in family engagement to know whether they’re doing it right. One of our favorite frameworks, the Dual Capacity-Building Framework for Family-School Partnerships, describes six important roles families can play in supporting their children: supporters, encouragers, monitors, models, advocates, and collaborators. Notice what isn’t on that list: perfection.

You don’t have to play every role every day. Sometimes engagement is advocating when your child needs you to speak up. Sometimes it’s collaborating with a teacher. Sometimes it’s monitoring what’s happening from a little farther away. And sometimes it’s simply looking at your child after a hard day and saying, “I believe in you. We’ll figure this out together.” That matters.

So, as this school year begins, give your children grace. Give their teachers grace. And please, give yourself some, too. You will miss an email. You will forget a deadline. There may be a spirit day you learn about at 9:47 p.m. the night before. Your child may occasionally be the only one who didn’t wear purple. Everybody will survive.

Family engagement isn’t about performing parenthood perfectly. It’s about building relationships, paying attention, asking questions, advocating when necessary, encouraging often, and making sure your child knows there is someone in their corner. Show up in the ways you can. Love them well. Give yourself some grace. That’s more than enough to begin.

With appreciation for all the ways you show up,

Love, CoCo